Ten Simple Rules for Dating my Daughter Rule One : If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two : You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
Rule Three : I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.
Rule Four : I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five : In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six : I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven : As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.