While we had designed friendship into our relationship, we had not created space for the possibility of permanency.In the year we spent together, I turned the corner in my heart’s healing and began to change the script of dating for myself.I desired something more connected to my life with my children, my family, and my friends.
I’ve since shifted my dating strategy to focus on the “progression” date—the date that offered the possibility of a real commitment to a long-term partnership. I crafted a different dating lens, one that involved my whole family.
My maternal lens became integral to the natural sorting and sifting process inherent to dating.
Three years after I left my husband hollow of heart, I caught a glimpse of my own hope reawakening.
Some singles seek it in the form of casual and frequent sex. As a self-proclaimed serial monogamist, I looked for a committed respite—a productive love defined by friendship, emotional generosity, great conversation, and wonderful physical intimacy. I met a respite man who became my lover and more importantly, a dear friend.
Respite dating had nothing to do with the children, and the dynamic with a respite man was temporary with no real investment in long-term compatibility.
Initially, I pursued the “respite” date—the type of date that allowed me to escape from my children and all the overwhelming responsibility of sole parenting.
Eighteen months ago I decided I was ready to open up to the possibility of dating, at least just for fun.
Of course, I am not certain of the everlasting type or how love manifests for a single working mother of two.
We enjoyed time spent languishing over a bottle of wine, a cup of great coffee, and a good meal.
We committed to the respite and the friendship—nothing more.
Despite the casual path I had intended to walk, I eventually opened up to the notion of a progressive love.