That is, "when the very idea turns you off." But you can decide that you're ready to at least try. While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood—and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man's intellectual stimulation.Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! "Tell a friend where you'll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place," suggests Dr. "You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward," she says, even if it's not with any of these guys. "Just say, 'I'm enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I'm also seeing others casually.'" 10. Hopefully it's obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn't bring dates around unless it's somewhat serious.
Says Gadoua, "too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date." Be upfront and respectful, but don't apologize for wanting to date.
"Most children just want their parent to be happy, and may be less likely to object than you imagine," she says.
If you haven't been divorced yourself, you might worry that dating a someone who has means dating someone with baggage.
That's the question dating coach Sandy Weiner tackled earlier this week, in a Huff Post Divorce blog post detailing the top seven mistakes she sees divorcés making time and time again. Quickly growing impatient with the dating scene and hijacking the conversation (self-absorption is What other mistakes should you avoid when dating again?
Huff Post Divorce readers on Facebook and Twitter shared some of the worst dating offenses they've come across while dating after divorce.
Click through the slideshow below to see what they had to say, then weigh in with your thoughts in the comments.
Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman. The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed," which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says. Possibly the last time you dated there wasn't even an Internet, much less Internet dating.
Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays—not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups—is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love. "Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills, too." And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun! But if you were thinking that searching for companionship online is strictly for losers or perverts, forget it—that's as outmoded as dial-up.
But it's also tough, she adds, because once you're on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he'll-call sort of way. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. "Online dating is not only mainstream, it's one of the best ways to widen your search, rather than just hoping that you'll meet someone in the coffee shop," says Dr. And these days, there's a site for everyone, from e Harmony and Match to niche sites like JDate. Once you "meet" someone online, it's easy, says Dr. Kirschner recommends, at least to start with, dating several guys at the same time.